The relationship we have with our mother is our primary one; Book by Marlene George

we experience, the one casting its influence on all of our relationships for

the rest of our lives.

It is important we get it right.

When I say “get it right,” I don’t mean forgive and forget, love her unconditionally,

or accept her treatment of you as correct or appropriate. “Getting it

right” means to come to a place of peace when thinking about her, that’s all.

Her acceptance of us at birth, during our growing years, and ability to release

us into our own independence darkens or illuminates the rest of our life.

With Mother’s Day right around the corner, it’s not too early to take stock of

that relationship and perform any repair work necessary to live a happier life.

Perhaps we chose our mother to help us through this lifetime, and she chose us

as well. Or perhaps our pairing is simply a random act of coincidence—a

cosmic joke rather than a cosmic choice.

generosity. Those lessons benefit us in every relationship we have and our

overall approach to life, personally and professionally.

If our mother was alcoholic, abusive, or simply absent—what positive

lessons did we learn from her brand of mothering? How do we apply them

every day of our lives both personally and

professionally? The fact that we’re here

today indicates we benefited from her

challenging example. By setting such an

example, we knew from experience

exactly what NOT to do when we became

an independent adult. Congratulations to

those of us who survived her legacy for

your path was harder, your journey more

difficult, and your accomplishment greater.

By this point in our lives, most of us know

the quality of our relationship with our

mothers. In case we need a refresher in

identifying the reality behind our perception

of the relationship, consider the

following subjects:

• How does our mother affect our definition

of “success”?

• Can we “have it all,” or must personal life be sacrificed to professional life,

or vice versa?

• Is it acceptable to surpass her accomplishments?

• Are our ambitions and actions the result of our mother’s encouragement or

a reaction to her discouragement?

• Does our definition of the role of

“mother” align with hers?

• Whenever we enter a room, our mother

walks in with us.

Whether she’s wearing a smile of welcome for

a new opportunity or the frown of fear of the

future largely depends on the relationship she

had with her mother. Our mothers’ generation

did not have the tools we have to analyze,

intellectualize, and finally come to terms with

her treatment of us.

Our mother is the first rival in our life…she competes for our father’s attention

and affection as soon as we realize there’s a difference between boys and girls.

She usually loses—or so we are led to believe by our fathers. As we mature, we

realize she never loses, and it would not be a good thing if she did.

Mother’s Day card: she thanked her mother for her presence in her life, and

complimented herself for choosing my client to be her mother. And, no, she

hadn’t read my book—but I’ll bet her mother gives it to her for her next birthday.

Who we are today is largely a product of our relationship with our mother.

of appreciation, resentment, abandonment, intrusion, competition and control.

Some relationships resolved themselves in a spirit of love and acceptance of

each other, others continue in frustration and pain, and still others long for

what “might have been.”

If our mother was “Mother Teresa” or “Mommy Dearest,” she is the other

half of our agreement with her. What if we selected her for the lessons she would

teach us about life, love and our place in the world? When we have successfully

learned those lessons, we arrive at a place of peace—acknowledging her contribution

to our progress on this planet.

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